Definitely Offside Podcast Ep.11:"Merry Fantasy Christmas!" or "Happy Birthday, Baby Tebow!"

Christians, Jews, Muslims and miscellany unite: there is a higher power that calls to you today - the power and glory of Fantasy Hockey. Put away all those presents you just opened, they will leave you feeling nothing but empty inside when compared to the 11th and final 2011 episode of Definitely Offside. Kev, Mike and Ross bring the gold, frankincense and myrrh along with all their usual sass and smack as they face-off over streaky players - when to hold 'em or fold 'em, as it were - more coaching hoopla (a monolingual debate, sorry, Quebec) and some of the strange behaviour of the broadcast personalities that bring us our goodly games night in and out. And finally, they wrap up by gathering around the ol' Christmas tree for some carols and eggnog! The slurping noises are going to make you feel like you're right at home! Stay away from that manger, Jerry Sandusky, this is no place for that kind of behaviour! This is Definitely Offside - the Baby Jebus is our Goalie. He saves everything. See you in the New Year, jerks.

Oh, and here's your New Year's Eve party dance mix. All at once. Courtesy of Gersy.

http://boingboing.net/2011/11/20/every-beatles-song-ever-all-p.html

Definitely Offside Podcast Ep.10.5:"Look On The F***ing Bright Side!"

Whether you think the glass is half-full or half empty, it's only a half a glass of water and I'm gonna find the jackass that cheaped out on the water and ask him with my fists who he's saving all the extra water for! Like I wouldn't notice? Like I'm some kind of dromedary who stores up water in my hump, so no thanks, I don't want the whoooole glass! What, you gotta be the Pope to get a whole freakin' 12 oz glass of water?! Goddammit!

DO shoves some positivity down yer gullet, whether you like it or not. Namaste.

Definitely Offside Podcast Ep.10:"Mr.T's Commandments"

And then there was 10! How the Hell have we gotten this far? Moxie and delusion, I'd say! It's surprising how far they can carry you - just ask Stephen Harper. Random political attacks aside, #10 was so good, we split it up into two - half an episode for each digit! Part one finds Smitty, K-Mac, Finsy (returning special guest Rhys Finnick) and Soresy (Shawn Sorensen back from U-rope) tangling over manager strategies, home-team versus fantasy-team loyalties and the question of whether fantasy sports changes how we actually watch sports - yeah, that's right, we're going balls-deep into the tough topics! Also, current events with Ryan Kessler and a ring tone that prompts a probing discussion on Mr.T... who would, of course, pity the fool that doesn't listen to this episode. Do it! D.O. it.

Definitely Offside Podcast Ep.9:"Home Moon Advantage"

Once in Germany someone said, "Nein!" That's a Wilco quote; this is our ninth episode! Gersy and Smitty take on the week in hockey like only the most intrepid duos can. Batman and Robin, Hall and Oates, The Hart Foundation - they all tremble at the analytical and comedic prowess of Mike and Ross as they wrassle with another mind-boggling trade in the DO fantasy league, the fallout from ongoing coaching changes and a wacky new NHL realignment plan! Plus, a special inside look at trade negotiations between the Brothers McCartney - are they cheating? Yes. Time and space are no boundaries to our intrepid adventurers as they fly like eagles into your mind and snatch out your brain like a field mouse for them to feast on. That's championship spirit, people. I assassin down the avenue. That's a Wilco quote.

The Goalie Debate Continues

This debate slowed down in November as we all go caught up in other league business and that thing... not-hockey? Is that what it's called?

I wanted to present two images as my argument against 2 active goalie slots. Both images come from the Free Agent pool of a Yahoo! fantasy league I'm playing in this year. The league is of high-end owners (like us) recruited through a Fantasy Hockey advice website. It has 12 owners, 20 player rosters of which 11 skaters and two goalies can be active each week. It is very similar to us, where we have 22 man rosters and 13 active skaters. There are 8 scoring categories for skaters and 4 for goalies.

Shots below.

Expansion Draft Ideas

At this year's draft, we voted to expand the league after this season to 14 teams. Dale and I were tasked with coming up with ways to organize that expansion draft, but we haven't had time to get together about it. In the interest of getting things started, I've drafted these four options up on my own and am submitting them for discussion and consideration. Nothing official yet, just spitballin'. Each suggestion is purposefully divergent but of course can be tweaked. Don't feel pressure to take one off the shelf, but for the purposes of debate, I tried to make them substantively different from each other.

The first three of these ideas work from the idea that all 14 teams will start the regular draft in September with 8 keepers and 15 draft picks (we voted to increase our roster size to 23).

Definitely Offside Podcast Ep.8:"Gumballs!"

This week DO goes international! It's a spicy meat-a-ball as Mike, Kev and Ross get all steamy over trade etiquette! You'll blow your salsa as they ponder a rookie's fantasy value! You'll pinch a perogie over coaching shake-ups! You'll be hard as a baguette when we get an international Fantasy Update from France - that's right, France! The one in Europe! This show is a real dynamo, even if none of us really know what that means. Strap on your electro-skates and kick that 'Roo right in the pouch! This is the pimped-out episode you've been craving!!

Show Notes: This is posted a little later than normal, so recent events, like Boudreau landing in Anaheim, were unknown to us Monday - we're not psychics, people, we can't touch your hand and know that the ice... is gonna BREAK!! Also, I noticed near the end of the episode that I reference Shawn's hockey story that was actually cut out - sorry, Shawn. I'm sure if anyone is curious, he'll tell you it personally. Finally, the contest is real and it's open! Whoever comes up with the best name for the "oldest profession fantasy league" will get a free Edmonton Block Heater t-shirt and CD. I know you want that, bitches! Those shirts are coveted! Post your comments to the page or send an e-mail, as always, to: definitelyoffside@gmail.com